Nam's One-Liner Jokes

THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR AT A TATTOO PARLOR =====================
 
Anything else you want to say? You’ve got plenty of room back here.
 
Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE.
 
I HATE it when I get the hiccups.
 
I’ll bet you can’t tell I’ve never done this before.
 
Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy.
 
That call was [...]

HEADLINES FROM 2035: IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%
 
Q: How does an Inland Revenue man describe his day at work?  A: Taxing.
 
To you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a ‘pain in the neck,’ the [...]

A secretary goes into her boss’ office and asks, “May I use your Dictaphone?” He replies, “No. Use your finger like everyone else.”
 
“Here’s something that will really make you feel grown up,” said a father to his teenage daughter, “Your very own phone bill.”
 
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
 
In a country of free speech, why are [...]

Television? The word is half Greek, half Latin. No good can come of it. — C.P. Scott
 
They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for these they got rid of the Literacy Channel and the What’s Left of Civilization Channel. – Dennis Miller
 
The [...]

Don’t worry about temptation—as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.#
 
Lead me not into temptation—I can find it myself.