Nam's One-Liner Jokes

During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were “just going down to the corner.” — Jack Handey
 
He grounds the warship he walks on. — John Bracken on Capt. Barney Kelly, who ran the USS Enterprise into the mud of San Francisco Bay in May [...]

After hitting record high temperatures earlier this month, New York has now hit a record low. It was 9 degrees in Central Park today. They’re warning New Yorkers now not to leave their middle fingers exposed for more than a couple of seconds. — Jimmy Kimmel
 
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention [...]

Al Gore’s daughter got married last weekend. Al Gore’s no fun at wedding receptions. He keeps pointing out how fast the ice sculpture is melting. — Dave Letterman
 
Homer Simpson (giving a lecture on marriage): “What is a wedding? Webster’s Dictionary defines a wedding as ‘The
process of removing weeds from one’s garden.’”
 
Hugh Hefner is getting married. Hugh Hefner [...]

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. — Milton Berle
 
And if you give us any more trouble, I shall visit you in the small hours and put a bat up your night-dress. — Basil Fawlty
 
I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you. If you upset her even more [...]

According to a new survey, 56 percent of women say they would rather be thinner than smarter. The other 44 percent were models who didn’t understand the question. — Jay Leno
 
Behind every great man is a great woman. And behind every great woman is some guy staring at her ass!
 
Each I time I look at a woman, [...]