Politics
Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence. And then he had to leave to attend a fund-raiser. — Jay Leno
Did you hear that the governor’s mansion in Montgomery, Alabama burned down? Yep. Pert’ near took out the whole trailer park.
HEADLINES FROM 2035: George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
I am not sure if President Bush fully grasps the economic issue. Like he was asked today if he has any plans to make the dollar stronger? And he said we were thinking of making it two-ply. — Jay Leno
I think it’s finally starting to sink in to Hillary that she didn’t get it. Today she went down to Ikea because she realized this was her only chance she was going to have to put together her own cabinet. — Jay Leno
Israel has recalled its ambassador to El Salvador, after the ambassador was found drunk and naked in the yard of his residence. Today, Israel announced that he’s their new ambassador to Ireland. — Conan O’Brien
Jimmy Carter actually said that George W. Bush is the worst in history. Then Bush said that’s not true, he said that he was the worst in math and English. He actually got a C in history. — Jay Leno
Minister, after listening to an impromptu campaign speech, “Before I vote for you for sheriff, I’d like to know if you partake of intoxicating beverages?” Candidate for sheriff, “Before I answer, tell me if this is an inquiry or an invitation.”
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then–we elected them. — Lily Tomlin
One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. — Plato
Politics is a dirty business. And with Hillary Clinton announcing that she is running for president, Republicans are already digging up dirt on her. And they found out that she once slept with Bill Clinton. — Dave Letterman
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedy
Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it. — Mark Twain
Super Tuesday elections were yesterday. I like to go in the voting booth and take off my pants. I hold them outside the curtain and say, ‘You got these in a 38?’ — David Letterman
The circus is in town. Earlier today, Hillary Clinton claimed she was once shot out of a cannon. — Dave Letterman
There is an ancient rule among certain tribes in Africa that I think we should apply to modern politics. The rule is that when a man rises to speak he must stand on one foot while delivering his speech. The moment his other foot touches the ground, the speech ends – or the speaker is forcibly silenced.
Today, President Bush gave a news conference about the economy but he stubbornly refused to say the word recession. Instead, Bush said, ‘Our country is heading towards something that has three syllables and rhymes with refreshin.’ – Conan O’Brien
Today President Bush met with Palestinian President Abbas. There was one embarrassing moment when he said to Abbas, ’I loved your song, Dancing Queen.’ — Jay Leno
Tuesday was Super Tuesday, so I guess that makes Wednesday anti-Climatic Wednesday. — Jay Leno
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. -– Aesop
(No Ratings Yet)
Loading ...
Leave a Reply