Nam's One-Liner Jokes

Politically correct term: Fail: Achieve a deficiency.
 
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’ — Charlie Brown
 

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.  — Mark Twain
 
Be consistent (but not all the time)
 
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps!
 
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
 
I feel like I’m in a rut. Every time I go to bed at night, I find [...]

A lot of people wonder how you know if you’re really in love. Just ask yourself this one question: “Would I mind being destroyed financially by this person?
 
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. — Charlie Brown
 
I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that [...]

Attention to health is life’s greatest hindrance. – Plato (427?-347? B.C.)
 
Plato was a bore. – Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
 
Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal. – Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
 
I’m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy. – Ernest Hemingway (1889-1961)
 
Hemingway was a jerk. – Harold Robbins
 
I have a new philosophy. I am only going to dread one day at a time. [...]