A woman in India claims that she has lived to be 120 years old by drinking wine and smoking pot every day. No one had the heart to tell the stoned woman that she’s only 35. – Conan O’Brien
I know I’m getting old because a sexy babe caught my fancy and my pacemaker opened the garage door.
I know [...]
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The egg is frowning and looking annoyed, while the chicken has a big smile on its face and is smoking a cigarette. The egg says, “Well, I guess we answered that question.”
A guy’s walking down the street when a six foot beetle pops up, pulls out [...]
Beauty is only a light switch away.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
I don’t have anything against facelifts, but I think it’s time to stop when you look permanently frightened.
Never go to a plastic surgeon whose favorite artist is Picasso
No matter how good she looks, some other guy somewhere is sick and [...]
A cell phone video has surfaced of Saddam Hussein’s hanging and officials are trying to figure out who shot the video. People who were at the hanging say it was probably the guy who kept yelling: ‘Hey keep it down, I’m on the phone here!’ – Conan O’Brien
A vacuum with nipples. — Otto Preminger of Marilyn Monroe
Caesar’s Palace has [...]
A child of five would understand this – send someone to fetch a child of five. — Groucho Marx
A judge ruled that Britney Spears’ kids would be better off they go to live with Kevin Federline. The judge made the ruling after a six-month exhaustive search for an option C. — Conan O’Brien
A teen-aged boy with spiked hair, [...]
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