Nam's One-Liner Jokes

Yesterday I got even with my dentist by saying when he was finished, “This may hurt a little, Doc…I don’t have any money.”
 
I was getting my teeth whitened, but then I said forget that, I’ll just get a tan instead. — Mitch Hedberg
 

How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone? Both look out their windows and see rubble
 
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down. — [...]

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.  — Mark Twain
 
Be consistent (but not all the time)
 
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps!
 
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
 
I feel like I’m in a rut. Every time I go to bed at night, I find [...]