A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The egg is frowning and looking annoyed, while the chicken has a big smile on its face and is smoking a cigarette. The egg says, “Well, I guess we answered that question.”
A guy’s walking down the street when a six foot beetle pops up, pulls out [...]
A child of five would understand this – send someone to fetch a child of five. — Groucho Marx
A judge ruled that Britney Spears’ kids would be better off they go to live with Kevin Federline. The judge made the ruling after a six-month exhaustive search for an option C. — Conan O’Brien
A teen-aged boy with spiked hair, [...]
People are going on dates now to coffee bars. This is the worst idea. Four cappuccinos later, your date doesn’t look any better. — Margot Black
I date this girl for two years – and then the nagging starts: ‘I wanna know your name.’
I’ve been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
I’m looking for [...]
Given the capacity to be stupid, people will be.
I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west! — Rodney Dangerfield
In the past, your dumbness has gotten in the way of a few things that I really wanted to do: The book club. Theater. Having conversations. — Patricia Heaton
The probability [...]
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. — Milton Berle
And if you give us any more trouble, I shall visit you in the small hours and put a bat up your night-dress. — Basil Fawlty
I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you. If you upset her even more [...]
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