Nam's One-Liner Jokes

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say ‘How To Build A Boat.’ — Steven Wright
 
Editor:  One who sorts the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff. — Adlai Stevenson
 
Few people realize that Shakespeare once studied law. The original [...]

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali who was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. — Steven Wright
 
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
 
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? Dam
 

According to a new report, this year airline passengers have been subject to longer delays and ruder service than ever before.  When asked about it, a spokesperson for the airlines said, ‘Shut up and get back in line!’” — Conan O’Brien
 
Earhart Air have such a lousy safety record that even two of their flight simulators collided.
 
From the safety [...]

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses – she drinks right out of the bottle. — Henny Youngman
 
My grandma says she has eyes in the back of her head… I hope it’s not hereditary. — Steven Wright
 

Boss to interviewee: If you’d like to know if you got the job or not, go to h**p:www.notinamillionyears.com  where the answer is posted
 
Have you heard about the Hooters application process? They hand the girls a bra and say, “Fill this out.”
 
I was once asked in an interview ‘If I could ask a question of anybody, living [...]