A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say ‘How To Build A Boat.’ — Steven Wright
Editor: One who sorts the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff. — Adlai Stevenson
Few people realize that Shakespeare once studied law. The original [...]
How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get the remote
How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up
I had an uncle who was the most polite man who ever lived. He was so polite, his tombstone [...]
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, ‘Be fruitful and multiply,’ but not in those words. — Woody Allen
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.
Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said – ‘Sticks and [...]
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
Always borrow money from a pessimist-they don’t expect to be paid back.
I can’t stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when some-one says something like, ‘Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?’ or ‘Do you [...]
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